she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
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