She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
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