I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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