I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
