I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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