she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
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I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
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Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
so much tequila, so little girl.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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