turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
