I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
