she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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