And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
