Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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