I just pynch a tree in the face
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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