he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
