who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I currently don't understand fingers.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize