I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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