Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
