Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
