chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
