have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
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