You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
