then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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