My first STD was from a foam party
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
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I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
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Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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