So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
