take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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