Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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