YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
