coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
There are leaves in my underwear?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
