Just fell off a train. Bad.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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