Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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