M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
