turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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