Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You're so nebulous sometimes
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
