Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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