It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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