So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
