In the future we'll all be gay
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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