NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
