She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
