I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
