My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
porn star boner night. come get it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You peed on a flamingo?!?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
