He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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