Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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