How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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