I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
