please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
