That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
