Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize