im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
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Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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