I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
