hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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