I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
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Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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