Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
