Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
