Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
