i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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