O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I could make wine with my vomit
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
