dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
