Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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