whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
