There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
