so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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