everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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