I want to make a zoo with you.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
