you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
