the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
