I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
